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Jan 1, 2014

solution to the shidduch crisis


Rabbonim in the USA have found the solution to the shidduch crisis. It is a new-old solution. A group of rosh yeshivas are calling on the sector of marriage-age young men to stop going to Israel to learn for a couple of years before marriage, but to stay in the USA and get married younger.

They explain that many boys learn in yeshiva in the USA until 22 years of age, or so. Then they go to Israel to learn for a couple of years. At about age 24 they return to the USA and start the shidduchim process at no later than the age of 22.

This system creates a large gap in the age of the young men and women, and it makes it very difficult for the girls in shidduchim.

The "kol koreh" is signed bY Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky, Rav Yaakov Perlow (the Novominsker Rebbe), Rav Aharon Moshe Shechter, Rav Malkiel Kotler, Rav Matisyahu Solomon, Rav Elya Dov Wachtfogel, among others.
(source: Bechadrei)

Far be it from me to argue with or criticize such gedolim, and I don't really have a strong opinion one way or the other about what is the correct age at which one should marry... but it rankles me a bit that they blame it on the boys going to Israel, and subsequently calling on them to stop doing so. If the boys should be marrying at 22, maybe they should send the boys to Israel at age 20 for the two years or so..

Not that I believe their should be a wholesale obligation of all boys going to Israel. Some boys, and girls, do very well in Israel. They learn responsibility, they connect to Eretz Yisrael, they learn a lot of Torah, they make friends and connections from all over the world.. there are definitely benefits in coming.. On the other hand, it is not for everyone - some boys get in trouble, some boys don't deal well with the new freedom they discover, some waste their time, etc.

But, for those that will be going to Israel, it would be very sad to see that stopped. If the rabbonim insist on the boys getting married younger, perhaps they should move the two years in Israel up as well.. Or send them after marriage instead. It might mean less boys getting in trouble, but many of the benefits will  also be lost.

This psak seems really to be only for the ultra-yeshivish. It is only from the real yeshivish yeshivas that boys wait until about 22 before coming to Israel. The slightly less yeshivish and more modern yeshivas and schools send their boys at 18 for a year or two.






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2 comments:

  1. The kol koreh doesn't explicitly say that they shouldn't learn in Israel, it just encourages marriage at a younger age.
    http://matzav.com/new-kol-korei-urges-boys-to-seek-shidduchim-by-age-22-12

    Of course, it is all based on the "age gap" theory which never made much sense to those outside their community.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did it not make sense because they bothered thinking about it for more than a second? Probably not. It makes a good deal of sense and matches the facts on the ground.

      Delete

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